Wednesday, November 27, 2013

I can't figure out this crazy idea of having babies
The farther I get into my marriage, the more I fear the idea of pregnancy. I am supposed to start taking pre-natal vitamins. I have bought them. They are on my kitchen counter top, staring at me. I haven't touched them yet. I am freaked out.
I need to be completely honest and say that every time I hear people talk about all the misery of pregnancy and child-birth and child-rearing, and then put an idiotic smile on their faces and say it is all worth it, I can not help but think they sound pathetic.
Seriously, do people turn stupid after they had children? So you go through nine months of misery, plus the pain of labor, plus the endless sleepless nights with a crying baby that can't say what it wants, plus the fact that your body will NEVER be the same again, so that what? Your child can grow up and treat you like you treated your parents? Really? Is that what you want for your life? If human beings had any sort of self love they would not procreate.
On top of it, this child will blame you for everything wrong that happened in his life, while everyone else will talk about how their children would never get away with that. 
Oh, let's not mention sex. How often to post-baby couples have sex?
People say you should take advantage of it now, because you won't have much of it after the baby. Hold it, buddy! Are you trying to talk me into it or out of it? I love sex. I actually don't think I love anything more than sex. Maybe potato chips. And I already don't have enough of it. I don't need an aggravating factor to my already pitiful sex life.
I am quite honestly hoping for God's mercy to not allow me to bear children. This way I don't have to give up my body - which has never been a top model body to start with -, my trips, my life, but I don't have to be the one making that decision.

Sunday, November 17, 2013


Yesterday I read a post from a friend. It was named "13 Skills Your Grandparents Had That You Don’t".
It was funny, but sad to realize that we have lost so much in so little time. And when you start thinking about it more deeply, how much we have lost of what our race has achieved and passed down for centuries.
Maybe our parents were right when they called us generation X, but our parents are also to blame for not passing down (because they themselves didn't value) the things they learned from their parents.

I started thinking about this when we had that killer Halloween storm 2 years ago and people were freaking out - most of us didn't know how to live without electricity - those who did did it kicking and screaming, not worried about expressing their anger.

It is scary to admit that but the countries like America (and countries like Brazil to a lesser degree) have lost the ability to live without electricity. Seriously - if, like  in the shows Revolution and American Blackout, suddenly power went out, and no one knew how to bring it back on - how many of us would have no idea of what to do?
To start with, most of our data - the kind we know how to use - would be gone. Most of our menial daily activities would not be able to be performed. Most of our food would rot. How many of us would survive?

The simple population that lives in the wilderness would. Those of us, city dwellers, so full of our arrogance and our progress, would probably all be dead in a few weeks - of exposure, starvation or just violence that would sprung from our own despair.

Isn't it sad how much of 5 millenia of progress we have lost (or abandoned) in less than 2 centuries of electricity?

Monday, November 11, 2013

The danger of Xmas cards

Saturday morning my Christmas cards arrived. Well, then I put myself to work in the dangerous task of enveloping Christmas cards. The worst part of preparing the Christmas cards is the dangerous manipulation of envelopes.

What? It's too early to worry about Xmas cards? Not really. I consider this an achievement. Previously I considered ordering cards before Christmas a feat. Now the feat is to order the cards with enough time to send them to Brazil. Maybe if I send them tomorrow, they get there before Christmas. No, friends, when it comes to sending things to Brazil, nothing is too early. Send them three months in advance and pray that they get there this year. If they ever even get there.

But as I was saying, the worst part of preparing the Christmas cards is the dangerous manipulation of envelopes. Yes, envelopes are extremely dangerous tools. And its rampant handling during the holidays is a threat to the physical integrity of people who manipulate them.
Tongue, lips and fingers, are all showing different sorts of damage caused by renowned paper cutting.

Paper is a very powerful sharp object . It cuts with such power that is requires only a slight rubbing of the cutting part of the paper on the skin in any unwary user.
The worst part of it is how much it hurts . The paper cut hurts like misery. I've cut myself with a razor blade before...

I am here obliged to clarify confusion in the boys' minds. Yes, women also use razors, guys! Surprised? Thought we only used Veet or wax? Okay, some of us even use those, but there are parts of our body that we can not go in and wax, and I would not dare use Veet. Then what do you do? How do you guys think we do to stay smooth? I can guarantee to you guys it is not because of our Indian blood. Most girls you know do not have much of that Indian heritage. In my family, to my disgrace, indigenous heritage was left there with my grandmother. The hairs that do not ever whiten, the skin that never gets old... My family turned white, and with whiteness came all the setbacks of the white race. The worst thing is not it... I was also left with the setbacks of the black race - the kind of stink that only black people have. yes, the setbacks of my rich colorful heritage was all that was perpetuated in my genetic make. I feel sorry for my future children - they will only inherit the trash of my mixed ancestry.

But I must confine myself to the subject of the razor . The question is - since most of us are not Indians - except on April 19 - shaving is necessary. So I have had my share or razor cuts. And I can say without fear of error that the paper cut is more painful than the razor cut.

Monday, November 04, 2013

from the bottom of the toy chest

This one came from the bottom of the toy chest. I was watching my soap opera from hell - the one that condones homosexuality and free sex... "Wait, " you say. " Which one ? All of them condone homosexuality and free sex. "


:/ < - My face looking back at you after what you said.

Okay. You won. So I was watching my 7 o'clock soap opera from hell , and remembering the days when you could still let the kids watch the 7 o'clock soap opera (today not even of 6 o'clock soap is safe any more...)  It was then that I also remembered the funny way we organized shower time at home.

At home we showered by commercials. You 'd have to be ready to enter the shower, by the bathroom door, wrapped in towel, waiting for the commercial break. Did the first block end?

"TV off! TV off! Quick to the shower! Hurry so we don't miss the start of the next block!"

And that shower was a rushed one. The whole family waiting for you to end the shower, so they could turn the TV back on. And when u turned off the shower, you'd shout from in there "I'M DONE!" So others could watch the next block of the novela. And if you wanted to watch it too, you'd run out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around your body, to the front of the TV.

Meanwhile, the next in line was already undressing, moving toward the bathroom door, to get ready for the next commercial break.

And so were the showers at home - from break to break, so we didn't cause a power outage. Whether it was truth or superstition, I do not know . Nowadays we do not do that anymore .

Memories of my childhood ... This was a good one.
I told this story to my husband and he burst out laughing - "What a terrible electrical system, huh!"