McCARTNEY and the magic age! Happy Bday , Paul

So today Paul finally turned 64.
"will you stsill need me, will you still feed me, when I'm 64?"
Yes, Paul, absolutely. Too bad that "now that [you're] alone again", I'm not living in Liverpool.
Gee I know, 64 years old, it is kind of sick of me to say that, but "I'm so in love with you".

Sampling the Engineers

Hey, mom, I've got a car. For a long time that was all I wanted to have. And hey, mom, I have a boyfriend too. And for a long time I thought that was all I wanted to have.
But hey, hey mom, something got left behind. For a long long time I knew exactly what I had to do.
But now out there, everyone is an island, miles and miles and miles away from anywhere... in this land of giants, where they sell lives for diamonds, where their youth is a band in a fastfood tv commercial.

weekend in the park by Racionais MCs

They would also like to have a bike, and that they could see their dads jogging, just like athletes; they'd like to go to the park and have some fun, and that someone would teach them how to drive. But all they want is piece and even that is a dream.

I believed

Once upon a time I believed in a lot of things. And I believed things did not have to be the way everyone said they were supposed to be.
But, in the end, what I believe does not really matter.

PAUL McCARTNEY is mine! Luana, stay away from him!

PAUL McCARTNEY DIVORCED THAT GOLD DIGGER CRIPPLE ANTI-MINE MILITANT WHAT'S HER FACE!!!!!!!

I KNEW IT !!! I KNEW IT!!!! HE IS IN LOVE WITH ME!!!

DO NOT BELIEVE MY BEST FRIEND IF SHE SAYS HE IS IN LOVE WITH HER!!! Luana, stay away from him, he has always been in love with me!

http://people.aol.com/people/articles/0,19736,1194872,00.html

"She said"

"she said" is a Beatles song. She knows what it is like to be dead.

"toda a felicidade da vida eh pouca se nao for dividida" (all the hapiness in the world is nothing if it is not shared). Here I am, in the wealthiest country in the world, starving for lack of friendship. Having left my friends behind for a dream, what have I really gained? I am only 26 and I feel like my life is already over. "She said, I know what it's like to be dead."

If you visit my blog regularly you'll find something new that I had accidentally saved as a draft before my car accident. Now I finally published it. I was away from bloggin for a while bc of the accident that happened on ... Hey! Who are you???? Let me write !!!!!! I have an obbligation to my readers!!!!!

DUE TO CONTRACTUAL OBBLIGATIONS, THIS NETWORK, I MEAN, THIS BLOG, IS NOT ALLOWED TO REPORT ON THE ACCIDENT THAT HAPPENED TO THE AUTHOR OF THIS BLOG, AND IT IS THEREFORE BEING CENSORED.

THAT IS AN EXTREMELY UNFAIR THING THAT HAPPENS IN THE WORLD OF JOURNALISM AND COMMUNICATIONS: NOTHING THAT DISPLEASES THE OWNER OF THE NETWORK, I MEAN BLOG, IS ALLOWED TO BE AIRED.

WELL, WHO SAID LIFE IS FAIR? OUR CURRENT WRITER WILL BE FIRED AND PROSECUTED, AND THE PUBLIC WILL PAY THE PRICE OF THIS GREED WITH IGNORANCE!!!! MUAHAHAHAH!

Snow! That too!

I just finished reading the text I wrote about scary movies... I love being able to laugh at myself.

Anyway, the whole scary movie thing reminded me of another scary thing that happened when I was trying to get home from Dean's house, back in the days I'd go back to sleep over at a friend's in New Haven, instead of staying over in MA.

(Hey, Dean baby, I know you like to read my blog, so you'll remember this story).

It was time to go home, and then the old discussion was taking place:

"It is really late. You know you can stay over, right?"

"Are you out of your mind?! What is my mother going to say if she finds out I slept over at a guy's house! WHOA, at my boyfriend's house! That's even worse!"

"It is snowing, I'm sure she'll understand. Doesn't your mother trust you?"

"No, that's not the point. that, uh, it is not the ... point. it is just wrong. it is, you don't, you don't do that. You don't sleep over at a man's house, if you're a woman. Especially if the man is your boyfriend. You don't do that. My whole family will freak out."

(Back then Dean did not have the bad habit of calling me OLD, taht's why I said "woman", not "girl". And hey, old is your mother by the way. I'm a girl)

Well, we went on and on, and as usual I am repeating the same argument over and over again, bc... I am very good at repeating my arguments when I have nothing else to back them up with.
And finally, "let me just get out of here, before the snow gets too thick."

That was back in the days I could not figure out how to defog my windows. Neither could the reall onwers of the car. They still can't figure out their own cars. So, I used to drive with the window down, till my friend Bill figured that out for me.

And I called Bill just to let him aware I was driving to his place to spend the night. "there's a lot of snow here, so if I don't make it in 2 hours, call the police please."

Bill is ... married. And I am also friends with his wife. And they have a guest room. I usually sleep over at their place when I need to stay in New Haven overnight.

Well, back to the story - I made it to the first toll booth, and kept on driving. Window open just a little bit, bc the snow was really falling.... and guess what... I could not see a thing. Well, I could see one thing: WHITE! Everything around me was white. The road, the side of the road, the grass... everything... and I hadn't smoked anything weird that night, I wasn't high or anything.

Oh, wait, if everything is white... how do I know I am even on the road? That question startled me. Where am I? Where I am going? Where do I come from? oh! ...no... not that one... I know where I'm coming from!

I started driving really slow..., so slow that a plow truck began to honk behind me. "Run me over , freak, I am not moving out of the way!" Well, he did not run me over... but he did pass me.

Well, enough is enough. pulled over, (i think I pulled over), put emergency lights on, got on the phone.

"Dean! COME AND RESCUE ME! I can't drive, I can't see, I can't go anywhere."

"... ok... where are you?"

"I am!... i... i... I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!! Everything is white!"

"... Ok... now... how far away are you?"

"i,i,i,i got past the ... thingy! the ticket booth! the first one, I'm somewhere on... I-90. It's all white! I pulled over, I have my emergency lights on, I'm freaking out, I'm not moving out of here! COME AND RESCUE ME!"

"How far on I 90, baby? which exit?"

"ME NOT KNOW! it is all white! no signs, only white snow falling. Are you coming?"

"All right, can you keep moving the car, out of the road, to an exit?"

"I guess I can try. Are you coming? Are you coming? Are you coming?"

"I am, just get to an exit and call me and tell me where you are. "

"Ok, but please come, leave the house, now, and I will call you, and please answer your phone from the road."

I started moving the car, emergency lights on, and hey! I had gone as far as the toll booth to I-91! What do you know!
I handed the ticket to the booth person and went like, very seriously, "can I please stop somewhere? Because... my boyfriend ... is uh, coming to rescue me." Then I realized how funny that sounded and smiled. Guy smiled back probably thinking I was crazy,and pointed towards an employee's parking lot. Oh, am I fancy.

Dean arrives a few minutes later. I of course made my best "mommy, me got in trouble"-face, and said, "can I stay over at your place tonight? I am sure my family will understand."

The catch is - I never really left his house again. I would just stay over on weekends.

Wow, doesn't Paul McCartney (my real boyfriend... cuz Dean is just a cover up) have a similar story with his gf Jane? And he never left her house again... well, till they broke up. They broke up bc he was secretly in love with me. Even though I wasn't born yet. Never mind the fact that he recently married that crippled one-legged model, what's her face? He is still in love with me. He only married her bc I refused to move to Liverpool with him. It is true.

Scary Movies Aren't Real

OK!!! Scary movies aren't real! Can someone put that in my mind? It is not easy to convince this child. And it is getting harder. But see, what happens is that they are simply coming to life after I watch them.

There was this one time that I was over at Dean's, and we bought "The Exorcism of Mary Rose" to watch. In the movie there is something very freaky about the time 3 a.m. it is suposed to be the time of the devil. Well, ok. Who is awake at 3 am anyway? I never go that late.

Well, on that one night when we watched the movie, I was putting off driving back home (what else is new?) . That was the weekend of the huge blizzard. So, Dean drove me back to my car, that was in parking lot in Hamden. Well, my car was covered in snow. It took us a good half hour or more, at around 1 in the morning, to dig it out.

As usual, I was having a blast. "That's so cool! I am having so much fun! We should do this more often!"

Dean was not as excited. "Not at 1 in the morning. I still have to drive back home." Well, so? So did I.

After digging out my car, I drove home. The road was fine, but the streets in the city were awful, especially the ones closer to my house. My street had turned into a river of snow and there was no place to park.

It was around 2:50 a.m. . I began to freak out. "Darn! I want to be asleep by 3 a.m.!"

I obviously called Dean right away. He had been on the phone with me throughout the drive, so I'd not fall asleep> I called him again and asked him to stay on the line cuz I was so freaking scared.

I finally found a place to park... all the way down the street... at the corner... . And when I turned off the car and opened the door to get out, it was exaclty 3 a.m. And I still had to walk all the way back home in the middle of the snow, with a backpack on. The snow of course made everything look not so dark. "That's good!" you'd think. No, that's not good. That made things look even freakier.

Huge sigh. "Ok, I am a Christian, I have the Spirit of God, the devil can do me no harm. Besides," I kept repeating to myself "it is only a movie. There is not such athing as the devil 's time."

Well, I made it home. And only when I was in bed I hung up the phone. And put on that eye thingy so I'd not be tempted to look at the window.

Now, let's move a few weeks forward. Yesterday we went to the movies to watch "The Hills Have Eyes". Dean and I and a friend of his and his gf. According to Dean, "They say it is the scariest movie ever." I thought to myself, "it better be good. it better be freaking good. For anyone to make this kind of advertising, it better be freaking ridiculously good." And told him "It better make me really scared. That's too bold a claim to make."

Guess what - it is freaking good. The movie keeps you on your edge all the time. You better like strong emotions. Come on! I've watched scary movies my whole life. And I was single my whole life. I never needed anyone to hold on to. Yesterday I thanked God I had my boyfriend, bc I was so freaking scared!

Ok, Dean, if you are reading this - yes i do scream on scary movies, BUT I DON'T USUALLY CRY ON THEM!!!!!!!! No, not crying. I did cry on this movie. And it had nothing to do with my not being able to take food in.

Alright. Time to drive back home. After a while, right around where I-91 and Rt-15 meet, I begin to feel sleepy, so I get off the road to buy a caffeine drink at a gas station. It is around midnight, and I am not sure how to get back on Rt 15. Hey... what - else - is - new?

The gas station seems pretty busy. I leave my car unlocked, and walk into the store. Walk around for a few minutes, "drink, dr-ink, drink..... No drink?!? Freaking store!"

Then I look around, there's no one else left there but me. "Have I been here that long?" I go to the cashier. "Sir, please, how do I get back on Rt 15?"

He gives me a reply I can not understand. "Is he a foreigner?" I wonder.

I rephrase my question using I-91. Still can't understand his words, but I figure he is saying nothing of use.

"Can you please repeat that? I can't understand you."

As I take a good look at him to better decypher his words, My heart comes to a halt. He looks exactly like the gas station guy from the movie, the one that started the whole freaking nightmare!

Then I realized he can speak no English and keeps repeating words like "I new here, don't know".

Gr-eat, how close can this get to the story? only guy, ungly as hell, no info. Chivers up and down my spine.

"Thankyousirhaveagoodnight"

I rush out the store back to my car, the only car left.

"Holy s***!"

As I rush to open the car door, I remember to check the back seat. "Back seat! Back seat! Ok! good!" Keys, gear, pedal, adrenaline flowing freely in my blood circulation.

And the fog! Ok! two movies now! "The Fog" too. The fog on that night was so thick I could not see 2 yards ahead. "Please, God, let no one be hiding behind this fog. No weirdoes, no freaks of nature, no real or unreal creatures of darkness, none of these. Please. I'm from Brazil, I'm daughter of Guarani indians and African slaves, my ancestors never killed anyone. Ok, there is some Spanish, Portuguese and Dutch blood in my family, but we don't really like them."

As I pull out of that freaky gas station I see my salvation - another gas station across the street! A police officer at the store door, sipping some hot coffee! Aleluia!!!! I exchange some words with the police officer and go into the store. No caffeine drink. But some sugar-rich food like chocolate will do the trick.

Back in the car (not before cheking the back seat), the cop wishes me a good drive and the feeling of being back to the real world was the most comforting thing ever.

Scary movies, though, are still my favorite thing.

Spiced Chicken Sandwich

The TV commercial for the new McDonald's Chicken Spiced Sandwich is histerical.
And it really made me wanna try it.
Next time I go out with Dean, we gotta do fast food.

Fear of the Dark

Fear of the Dark is a cool movie.
It is a scary movie, but if you're not a fan of the genre don't discard it. It appeasl a lot to our childhood.
It deals with a little boy's fear of the dark. He sees things that are not there in the light. Shades, shadows, shapes. Just like we all do. But we do know that it is our imagination that turns those shapes, shades and shaddows into living creatures.
In the movie they are real. The dark exists as an entity, as a different world. Our belief gives it power.

super hero

So I definetely like to write down my dreams... erh, the cool ones at least.

Last night I was super hero. You know one of those cool modern ones, more like an improved version of 007, like Kim Possible, or those teenagers from Totally Spies, with cute cell phones with super commands, and power glitter on my lips (the Diamond Shine from Loreal), cool hair-dos (the ones I try out in front of the mirror), and really cool outfits!

I was part of a team with 3 other girls. One of them was Samara (a crazy girl from my church in Brazil), but I don't remember who the other two were. One was possibly Luana (my best friend); and the other one I have not a clue, but she was really blond (no judgements please) and I know she was friends with Jim's girlfriend (a guy from my church in CT).

My brother Leo was our boss. He'd contact us via cell phone. And our cell phones would vibrate and send some sort of glittering light that would give us our super powers.

One Sunday after church we got a lead on a major crime we were trying to solve. My brother paged us and we got ready to hurry to the place in our super (guess what color) shiny pink convertible. But the blond girl had plans for lunch.
"Oh, I'm totally not coming today." She sounded as if I had called her to something as insignificant as coming over to watch a DVD.
"What do you mean you're not coming?"
"well, you know, my girl friend and her boyfriend are taking me out for lunch at this very cool place."
Want to see Vee mad? Remember school team work? Remember that kid that could never come for the meetings bc he was going away for the weekend with mommy and daddy and on the day of the presentation he'd want us to tell the teacher he participated and we, stupid as we were, said he did participate? That kid was the one I was just talking to. Or at least I was telling her everything I always wanted to tell that kid and never had the guts to do it. Yelling as loud and mean as I always wanted.
"WHAT ABOUT YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES FOR CHRISSAKE! we're a team for crying out loud! You can't just not come."
Answer came in abored voice:
"ah... can we do it later?"
I could feel blood going up my head. Got bossy as usual, let her do whatever she wanted, and went back to the other girls:
"She is out of the team. This just can't go on. She's out. I want her out. Period!"

So Jim happened to walk by. He probably noticed by our oufit that we were in some sort of mission and asked what was going on.
I sounded as serious and annoyed as I could:
"We are going to save the world. That girl, friend's with your girlfreind, she's the most shallow girl I've ever seen!"

"She is?"

"You should not let her hang out with you. She could care less! You know what she told me? That she could not come on our mission bc she was going for dinner with her best friend and her cool boyfriend! She is ridiculous!"

Cool boyfriend? ... she did not say that. Maybe I shouldn't have either. He was half serious half laughing. I'd be glad if someone said he was hanging out with me cuz I was cool. Who cares about saving the world?

"well, why don't you just kick her out of the team?"
Ok, analizing intentions in a dream - was he trying to help or glad the girl thought he was cool?
He seemed pretty amused with the whole situation, but not as if he thought I was nuts or anything (all that super hero talk in the real world would be enough for someone to lock me up). It more as if he was watching a movie.

"Arh! I don't know. I guess I'm just stupid. " heck-what-I-am-going-to-do-now look in my face. All of a sudden I managed, "We need a driver. How would you like to save the world for a day? It is really dangerous though. You totally don't have to, if you're afraid."

As crazy as it may seem, he agreed to it. Yeah, how many times does one get the chance of becoming a superhero for a day?

So there we went in our shiny pink car cruising down the road. Palm trees along side. ... some girl I know was on top of one of them playing a banjo. OK, that was just weird. But we were too busy trying to save the world you know... looking serious. We were girls in a mission.

I don't remember what the mission was though. Some bad guy, some little kids in trouble, Steven Spielberg type of stuff.

But, yeah, the last scene I remember I rather keep to myself.

It was good dreaming I was a cool looking super hero, with cool looking gadgets, a cool looking team, and a cool looking driver!

Christmas is boring

Christmas and any special days are really boring when you have no family to spend them with.
Holidays used to be so fun... I had my friends around and we used to do the wildest parties, get home the next day, after the sun was up...
Gee, my life used was a constant partying.
What happened? I just left them all behind... friends, family... not sure exactly why.

If you see a slave sleeping, do not wake him up. He might be dreaming of freedom

It's a quote my brother used to say in his "fight for the rights of the oppressed" days. Days in which he listened to rap and believed that the black people were to fight for their rights in society. And he, milk-white as he is, believed he was to be considered black because of our great-grandfather.

I was always very critical of everything he did at first, but completely embraced those things a little while later, becoming actually his greatest motivator.

He says that drives him crazy, but I tell him that's my prerogative of being a woman - I have the right to change my mind and start enjoying something I hated at first. And his prerogative as a man is to be understanding of this twist.

"If you see a slave sleeping do not wake him up. He might be dreaming of freedom"... He never really told me what that means, and my understanding is usually different from his...

(He is smarter than I. ... uh, well, I like to think I am still 15 months older and that entitles me some extra knowledge - not true though... We think differently and have our disagreements, but many times , I still think he is smarter... guys are naturally smarter, I guess.)

Anyway - I think the quote means: Freedom is the most precious thing a human being can have, because it gives him dignity. Without freedom we feel like we're not worth anything. And the poor slave has no feedom in his life. But he is at least free to dream. And in his dream he might believe he has freedom. So don't bring him back to crude and cruel reality. Let him have those few moments of freedom - even if it s only make-believe.

In a more philosophical approach -I believe that doesn't only go for slaves in real chains, but for all who live as slaves, deprived of meaningful things in life. Sometimes I feel that way. Maybe we all do at times.

Or - if you see a dreamer, somone who doesn't believe we have to comform to what it is, don't spoil his dream by talking to him about the reality of things - let him follow his dream. We never know where that road may go.

Crying

What is the matter with me? I can neither remember nor make sense out of the dream I had this past night. And yet, as I woke up, all I could do was cry for a good 2 hours.

All I can remember was that JP was in it. I woke up with the feeling he was mad at me.

Honestly I wasn't sure I would be able to make it through the day. I made myself stop crying so I could get ready for church, but every time I got something done, I'd sit back and start over.

At church everybody was talking to me, and I was acting happy and goofy as a usually do, flying around, being annoying, but... God, I just wanted to go home. I just wish I could. I just wish I could hear grandma yelling at me for getting home at 2 am. For working too much. For not putting the left-overs in the fridge.

Should I really be here? Is it really worth it? Being away from everything and everyone I love? Everyone who loves me? I am feeling so lonely and so guilty.

GUILTY! What the heck is wrong with me? I feel like I am a horrible daughter, sister, friend, everything.

My brother just graduated. My best friend. My only friend for half of my life. And I wasn't there.

My friends and family are all proud of me and I don't know what the heck they are proud of. I miss them. I want to go home.

God I just wanted ... I just didn't want to cry anymore.

Oh, there's the moon!!!

Ok, there's the moon again. And here i am writing about it... again.

Can't help it. Everytime she is full, I fall in love. ... uh... not sure what I fall in love with though.

This time it is not orange - it is silver, bright shiny silver.

Oh, how I miss watching the moon from my eighteenth floor window, with grandma and my brother Leo. The world looks so perfect at night, from the 18th floor, at the moonlight, with the people you love, and the smell of bean soup coming from the kitchen...

Sometimes I just want to go home.

"Não há , ó, gente, oh não, luar como esse do sertão."

LOOK IN THE EYE OF THE GIRL

by Marisa Prado

Girl grew up hearing
That it was no use lying,
Because Mother always knew it

Mother used to say
That she read it on the forehead of the Girl,
And that only Mother
Knew how to read forehead.

Girl tried
To cover her forehead with her hand

when it came the time to lie.

Mother thought it was funny. Very funny.

And kept on reading away

Girl had to understand

how this mistery worked.

On the bathroom mirror,

she lied a lot, in silence.

And in the forehead, nothing written!

Then, Girl found out

that Mother also lied.

And that it was not the forehead

- it was the eye, shining in a different way -

that gave in the lie.

Girl then tried

to close her eyes real tight,

to hide Lie.

But not even that worked,

for Mother always knew.

Girl really had to learn

to pretend with her eyes open

that Lie was True.
Girl tried, tried... and learned it.

That was the way.

But at night

Girl felt tight inside.

A little like out of breath,

not even able to blink.

With her eyes wide open,

She could not bring herself to sleep.

Air did not come to Girl.

Just like when we get

almost unable to breath

from a laugh from a tickle.

But it was not funny.

Girl - unintentionally -

had discovered Conscience,

something that watches over us

even when Mother is not reading forehead,
Nor seeing eye.

Girl had learned

how much pretending hurt.

And that this way

it would really not be funny

to be a grown-up.

Girl gave up on growing up.

But it was no use.

Girl saw that now

she was almost as tall

as the furniture at grandma’s living room.

And she got very sad.

The tight feeling was getting tighter.

And so tight that tight feeling got,

that Girl figured that pretending

could only hurt so much

because she hurt alone.

Girl had an idea,

and she did not know yet
Whether it was a brilliant idea.

But she knew – oh, yes -

that she had to try it,

in order to find it out.

Girl’s idea
Was to tell Mother

that pretending was hard
Girl found it bad
To learn so many things
And do not share them with anyone.

Girl told Mother
That it was really complicated

and that it wasn’t good at all

having to grow up alone.

Mother hugged
Girl really tight.

And, in the arms so longed for,

Girl became Mother’s mom.

Girl felt
That Mother was crying.
And that Mother
Hadn’t learned it all yet.

Mother did not say anything

but both one and the other knew

in that tight hug
That in Mother it also hurt
To be grown-up alone.

At that moment

Girl understood everything.
She found out that only care
makes loneliness go away.

And that when pain is shared,

it hurts a little less.
And that, then,

you even feel

like keeping on growing up

to find out all the rest of the stuff.

Me? A spy?

Ok, here's another fun-crazy-wacky dream.

I was some sort of spy. Me and 2 other spies kept going over to a place to rescue hair products. But our mission kept ending up badly.

The guy that was my superior got killed 3 times. Every time he would always tell me, "don't worry, this time it is going to work." I think that Nathan Hale story really got to me.

I always managed to survive though (because I am oh-so-cool!) BUt I had to bribe this couple to let me get through without their telling on me.

I was covered in mud when I got home and went take a shower.

Meanwhile, it was my birthday, and we were having a breakfast party at home. All my family was there, and also my friends from Memorial church, and my friends from my American church Jim and Dave. Jim came with everyone he knows from work and I got really mad at him. How was I to explain to grandma that she had to feed an army?

"Who the heck are these people?"

"They work with me." he answered as if that was the most normal thing in the world.

"Who told you you could bring your friends from work?"

Dave also brought a bunch of people - FRIENDS OF A FRIEND OF HIS. And he kept apologizing cuz he had no idea there were so many.

I kept looking at Dave and Jim, trying to figure out a way to make grandma not aware of their friends presence.

"These people -" I could only say in despair, "you know they were not supposed to be here! you know that, right?"

oh!!!! uh-oh!

"YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I was completely overwhelmed by the people's behavior, "Just tell these people they can't start eating! Do they know it is my birthday? Do they know we have to pray before we eat?

"Dave, get the food out of that woman's mouth for crying out loud!" It was an old black poverty-stricken woman who got every piece of food she could hold. "Oh, my gosh, you can't eat that! PUT THAT BACK!"

Things calmed down after a while.

Since I had taken a shower, my hair looked like a porkypine.

Then grandma mentioned that this prince from some land was sort of in love with me. (It was the son of the couple I bribed on my mission.)

And my friend Marcus went like,

"Sure, that is so happening. You marrying a prince. Only if he is blind."

"What are you saying!"

"THe truth! No prince will ever marry you."

I get so mad at his spite that I want to hit him, but he is much older than me, so I figured it would be disrespectful. Everyone in the room would be upset at me. Especially because everyone in my family worships Marcus.

Crap, I have to hit some one. I have to show everyone I am mad. And I have to do it now.

Then I take out on Jim, that has nothing to do with the story, but happened to say he was taking off his shirt. (just for the record- it was a beach house)

"Just put on your shirt, you! This is my house!"

He laughed cuz he got no clue what I was so mad at, so I pushed him as hard as I could and yelled,

"Just put your freaking shirt on! NOW!" and that got the message across. "And have all of these teenagers who followed you do the same thing! See what a bad example you set!"

The teenagers were my friends from Memorial youth group, Dani, Felt, and Deó, and a couple of guys from Jim's work.

Then my Aunt Inaja went like, "Marcus is right. With your hair the way it is now, when the prince gets here, he will turn right back."

"By the way," Marcus hollered, "did you shave?"

So I got mad at both of them. What the heck!

And you know what! That prince is sort of ugly and dumb-looking and I do not want to marry him at all.

But , oh crap, all my friends are here and I am looking like a porkypine. ANd to make things worse, there are all these people that Jim and Dave brought. They don't even know me! I better go get my hair done. And why the heck did Marcus have to holer the words 'did you shave?' out loud? Did the whole world have to know I forgot to shave in the shower?

Meanwhile the heater was on. Dave and Jim (I guess they were the only americans in the party) were, like, dying.

"Virginia," that was Dave, "can you please turn this thing down, cuz we're sort of scorching here."

Gee, there was some sort of problem with the heater. I could not get the thing to go down. "Just a few more minutes ok, guys?"

So Marcus got up and solved the problem.

"It was I.O.I.C. - incompetent operator in charge."

All the time, I had the distinct feeling he wanted to put me down in front of my American friends. For goodness sake. What the heck was wrong with him! A 34 year-old man. You'd think he 'd know better.

"Marcus, just drop the attitude!"

Grandma's song

"Oh, beautiful moon, if you were not married..." how does the song go again?
Grandma used to sing that song when I was little. Tonight when I saw the moon, dazzling, huge, and orange in the dark sky, those words came back to mind.
"... if you were not married..." [who is she married to? Saint George?] "... I'd make up a ladder to go up there and kiss you." Yeah, maybe I should try that some time. When St. George isn't looking.

She's given up talking

That's a Paul McCartney song. From his latest CD.

I am watching a movie that reminded me of this song. It's called "The Quiet Room" about a girl who gives up talking because of her parents divorce. Throughout the movie her speech is in her mind. It is so interesting.

Reminded me of myself. My aunt says it was as if I lived in another world. Maybe that is why I grew up to be so different from everyone.

Unfortunately since I've learned to talk, I won't stop. I wish I would. So people would know when I am hurting.

"Even to cut off your own negative points can be dangerous. ONe never knows which of the negative points is the one on the basis of the whole building." Clarice Lispector