Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Snow! That too!

I just finished reading the text I wrote about scary movies... I love being able to laugh at myself.

Anyway, the whole scary movie thing reminded me of another scary thing that happened when I was trying to get home from Dean's house, back in the days I'd go back to sleep over at a friend's in New Haven, instead of staying over in MA.

(Hey, Dean baby, I know you like to read my blog, so you'll remember this story).

It was time to go home, and then the old discussion was taking place:

"It is really late. You know you can stay over, right?"

"Are you out of your mind?! What is my mother going to say if she finds out I slept over at a guy's house! WHOA, at my boyfriend's house! That's even worse!"

"It is snowing, I'm sure she'll understand. Doesn't your mother trust you?"

"No, that's not the point. that, uh, it is not the ... point. it is just wrong. it is, you don't, you don't do that. You don't sleep over at a man's house, if you're a woman. Especially if the man is your boyfriend. You don't do that. My whole family will freak out."

(Back then Dean did not have the bad habit of calling me OLD, taht's why I said "woman", not "girl". And hey, old is your mother by the way. I'm a girl)

Well, we went on and on, and as usual I am repeating the same argument over and over again, bc... I am very good at repeating my arguments when I have nothing else to back them up with.
And finally, "let me just get out of here, before the snow gets too thick."

That was back in the days I could not figure out how to defog my windows. Neither could the reall onwers of the car. They still can't figure out their own cars. So, I used to drive with the window down, till my friend Bill figured that out for me.

And I called Bill just to let him aware I was driving to his place to spend the night. "there's a lot of snow here, so if I don't make it in 2 hours, call the police please."

Bill is ... married. And I am also friends with his wife. And they have a guest room. I usually sleep over at their place when I need to stay in New Haven overnight.

Well, back to the story - I made it to the first toll booth, and kept on driving. Window open just a little bit, bc the snow was really falling.... and guess what... I could not see a thing. Well, I could see one thing: WHITE! Everything around me was white. The road, the side of the road, the grass... everything... and I hadn't smoked anything weird that night, I wasn't high or anything.

Oh, wait, if everything is white... how do I know I am even on the road? That question startled me. Where am I? Where I am going? Where do I come from? oh! not that one... I know where I'm coming from!

I started driving really slow..., so slow that a plow truck began to honk behind me. "Run me over , freak, I am not moving out of the way!" Well, he did not run me over... but he did pass me.

Well, enough is enough. pulled over, (i think I pulled over), put emergency lights on, got on the phone.

"Dean! COME AND RESCUE ME! I can't drive, I can't see, I can't go anywhere."

"... ok... where are you?"

"I am!... i... i... I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!! Everything is white!"

"... Ok... now... how far away are you?"

"i,i,i,i got past the ... thingy! the ticket booth! the first one, I'm somewhere on... I-90. It's all white! I pulled over, I have my emergency lights on, I'm freaking out, I'm not moving out of here! COME AND RESCUE ME!"

"How far on I 90, baby? which exit?"

"ME NOT KNOW! it is all white! no signs, only white snow falling. Are you coming?"

"All right, can you keep moving the car, out of the road, to an exit?"

"I guess I can try. Are you coming? Are you coming? Are you coming?"

"I am, just get to an exit and call me and tell me where you are. "

"Ok, but please come, leave the house, now, and I will call you, and please answer your phone from the road."

I started moving the car, emergency lights on, and hey! I had gone as far as the toll booth to I-91! What do you know!
I handed the ticket to the booth person and went like, very seriously, "can I please stop somewhere? Because... my boyfriend ... is uh, coming to rescue me." Then I realized how funny that sounded and smiled. Guy smiled back probably thinking I was crazy,and pointed towards an employee's parking lot. Oh, am I fancy.

Dean arrives a few minutes later. I of course made my best "mommy, me got in trouble"-face, and said, "can I stay over at your place tonight? I am sure my family will understand."

The catch is - I never really left his house again. I would just stay over on weekends.

Wow, doesn't Paul McCartney (my real boyfriend... cuz Dean is just a cover up) have a similar story with his gf Jane? And he never left her house again... well, till they broke up. They broke up bc he was secretly in love with me. Even though I wasn't born yet. Never mind the fact that he recently married that crippled one-legged model, what's her face? He is still in love with me. He only married her bc I refused to move to Liverpool with him. It is true.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Scary Movies Aren't Real

OK!!! Scary movies aren't real! Can someone put that in my mind? It is not easy to convince this child. And it is getting harder. But see, what happens is that they are simply coming to life after I watch them.

There was this one time that I was over at Dean's, and we bought "The Exorcism of Mary Rose" to watch. In the movie there is something very freaky about the time 3 a.m. it is suposed to be the time of the devil. Well, ok. Who is awake at 3 am anyway? I never go that late.

Well, on that one night when we watched the movie, I was putting off driving back home (what else is new?) . That was the weekend of the huge blizzard. So, Dean drove me back to my car, that was in parking lot in Hamden. Well, my car was covered in snow. It took us a good half hour or more, at around 1 in the morning, to dig it out.

As usual, I was having a blast. "That's so cool! I am having so much fun! We should do this more often!"

Dean was not as excited. "Not at 1 in the morning. I still have to drive back home." Well, so? So did I.

After digging out my car, I drove home. The road was fine, but the streets in the city were awful, especially the ones closer to my house. My street had turned into a river of snow and there was no place to park.

It was around 2:50 a.m. . I began to freak out. "Darn! I want to be asleep by 3 a.m.!"

I obviously called Dean right away. He had been on the phone with me throughout the drive, so I'd not fall asleep> I called him again and asked him to stay on the line cuz I was so freaking scared.

I finally found a place to park... all the way down the street... at the corner... . And when I turned off the car and opened the door to get out, it was exaclty 3 a.m. And I still had to walk all the way back home in the middle of the snow, with a backpack on. The snow of course made everything look not so dark. "That's good!" you'd think. No, that's not good. That made things look even freakier.

Huge sigh. "Ok, I am a Christian, I have the Spirit of God, the devil can do me no harm. Besides," I kept repeating to myself "it is only a movie. There is not such athing as the devil 's time."

Well, I made it home. And only when I was in bed I hung up the phone. And put on that eye thingy so I'd not be tempted to look at the window.

Now, let's move a few weeks forward. Yesterday we went to the movies to watch "The Hills Have Eyes". Dean and I and a friend of his and his gf. According to Dean, "They say it is the scariest movie ever." I thought to myself, "it better be good. it better be freaking good. For anyone to make this kind of advertising, it better be freaking ridiculously good." And told him "It better make me really scared. That's too bold a claim to make."

Guess what - it is freaking good. The movie keeps you on your edge all the time. You better like strong emotions. Come on! I've watched scary movies my whole life. And I was single my whole life. I never needed anyone to hold on to. Yesterday I thanked God I had my boyfriend, bc I was so freaking scared!

Ok, Dean, if you are reading this - yes i do scream on scary movies, BUT I DON'T USUALLY CRY ON THEM!!!!!!!! No, not crying. I did cry on this movie. And it had nothing to do with my not being able to take food in.

Alright. Time to drive back home. After a while, right around where I-91 and Rt-15 meet, I begin to feel sleepy, so I get off the road to buy a caffeine drink at a gas station. It is around midnight, and I am not sure how to get back on Rt 15. Hey... what - else - is - new?

The gas station seems pretty busy. I leave my car unlocked, and walk into the store. Walk around for a few minutes, "drink, dr-ink, drink..... No drink?!? Freaking store!"

Then I look around, there's no one else left there but me. "Have I been here that long?" I go to the cashier. "Sir, please, how do I get back on Rt 15?"

He gives me a reply I can not understand. "Is he a foreigner?" I wonder.

I rephrase my question using I-91. Still can't understand his words, but I figure he is saying nothing of use.

"Can you please repeat that? I can't understand you."

As I take a good look at him to better decypher his words, My heart comes to a halt. He looks exactly like the gas station guy from the movie, the one that started the whole freaking nightmare!

Then I realized he can speak no English and keeps repeating words like "I new here, don't know".

Gr-eat, how close can this get to the story? only guy, ungly as hell, no info. Chivers up and down my spine.


I rush out the store back to my car, the only car left.

"Holy s***!"

As I rush to open the car door, I remember to check the back seat. "Back seat! Back seat! Ok! good!" Keys, gear, pedal, adrenaline flowing freely in my blood circulation.

And the fog! Ok! two movies now! "The Fog" too. The fog on that night was so thick I could not see 2 yards ahead. "Please, God, let no one be hiding behind this fog. No weirdoes, no freaks of nature, no real or unreal creatures of darkness, none of these. Please. I'm from Brazil, I'm daughter of Guarani indians and African slaves, my ancestors never killed anyone. Ok, there is some Spanish, Portuguese and Dutch blood in my family, but we don't really like them."

As I pull out of that freaky gas station I see my salvation - another gas station across the street! A police officer at the store door, sipping some hot coffee! Aleluia!!!! I exchange some words with the police officer and go into the store. No caffeine drink. But some sugar-rich food like chocolate will do the trick.

Back in the car (not before cheking the back seat), the cop wishes me a good drive and the feeling of being back to the real world was the most comforting thing ever.

Scary movies, though, are still my favorite thing.