Sunday, February 18, 2018

just venting today...

You were a big deal to me.
I was nothing to you.
When I thought you were hurting, I wanted to help you, and listened to your complaints.
When I told you I was hurting, you pushed me away and did not want to talk to me.

I can't think of anything more demeaning and humiliating than what you've done to me.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

I lost a friend yesterday

I lost a friend yesterday. 

So I've spent the past two years of my life believing in something that doesn't exist. Or if it ever existed,I've killed it. 

I believed in a friendship that wasn't real. It was all in mind. Now I understand what people mean when they said they confused their feelings with the truth. It hurts. 

Someone died yesterday in my life. Not a real person. Someone I made up in my mind. The real person is still alive and I wish him well with all my heart. It's not his fault I made up a character with his name. 

I believed in Casper the friendly ghost. I befriended him, I took the things he said to heart, and I dreamed up plans for my family to befriend his too. I lived by advice he gave me and wished to share what I've learned from such advice with him. 

Now it's time to wake up from that dream, pick up the pieces, and move on. I can't afford the luxury to sit down and cry. I have two beautiful daughters to raise (whom he will never know) and a husband that counts on me (whom he will never befriend). These are the people I need to live for.  No matter what's going on inside my mind. 

June 17, 2017

July 20, 2017

Thursday, December 29, 2016

no one dies a day before

This is for those who are afraid to fly. No one dies the day before, gang. This stewardess died today, aged 66. in 1972 she was the only survivor of a plane that exploded mid-air. She was thrown thousands of feet and landed on a snowy hill. ONLY. SURVIVOR.

Sunday, November 06, 2016

burning books

Heinrich Heine, a German-Jewish poet, wrote: "Where one burns books, one will, in the end, burn people." This poet lived from 1797 to 1856. Was he prophesying? It took 8 years from the burning of books (1933) to the burning of people (1941) in Nazi Germany.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Right before school starts

Well, that's it for me. That time of year when I wake up to the harsh reality that I am not a full time homemaker. The word of the day today is carpe diem. 
It's been such an exciting summer.
I've learned so much. There's so much more to learn. The rooster killing was the height of my summer. I NEVER thought I had it in me. Me - born and raised city girl.
I wish hubby could afford for me to stay home full time. 

Out, baby!

Please, no one tell me what's worse than being pregnant bc if there is such a thing, I don't want to know!

Little known fact:
The third trimester of pregnancy lasts 12 months. 
As for the last month, it comes up to 365 days. 

I'm at that point in the pregnancy where I begin to tell the baby, "Listen, kiddo, here's the tough truth - it's one person, one body. Non-paying renters not welcome."

On the other hand - I can't stop being amazed. 

That two people can simply grow another life is something I can't get over.

 There's nothing to it. Sex, a fun little thing every couple knows about. 

Next thing you know, there's a new life. 

Three weeks after conception, there's a tiny beating heart. That's a week after a girl misses her period. And that little thing will develop into something cute and cuddly we all know as babies. ... Well, ok, they're not cute and cuddly when they're first born. They have that knee face and that weird look that says, "ok... What the hell just happened here?" 
.... Sorry, I know, babies don't swear. 

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Head cut off

Life's been so hectic that just yesterday when I walked by the chicken coup I heard one of them come up with this gem, "I'm so tired of running around like Virginia with her head cut off."

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Before you have kids

So before you have little mobile babies in the house, you simply don't understand certain things. For example, I thought I was having a baby, not a home inspector. 
Alexandra gets into everything she opens every drawer she touches everything she puts everything in her mouth. A couple of nights ago she was looking under the carpets! I had no idea it to get so dirty under my carpets!
I also had no idea how many places in my house had spider webs. Well, they don't anymore. I vacuum early and often now. 
Holy cow, I thought I was a clean housewife. 
Also, where was my mind when I refused a baby gate "because I already have plenty"? There's no such a thing as plenty baby gates!!!!
I'm noticing I have no idea were baby safety locks. I always wondered why the heck people need baby safety locks why can't you just keep an eye on the baby? Well, newsflash, there's no such a thing as keeping an eye when the baby when the baby is mobile. No safety locks are enough.