Saturday, April 24, 2010

Sequoias and Brazilian roots

Going to Brazil was a nice relaxing experience for a cold winter in America.

I am happy we did it.

However, never again I want to travel back home from a long trip on the last day of vacation.

The flights got delayed - what else is new - and we had but 3 hours of sleep before facing work and all the demands that post vacation days bring.

As usual I cried in the airplane as it took off. As usual I hate leaving my sandy beaches and warm weather, my food, my hood, my childhood, to get back to cold, inland America and an adult life filled with responsibilities that frequently make me forget who I really am.

I love my husband... and my house. I enjoy my life. I am thankful for what God has given me.

But I miss the things that made me who I am, as a tree would miss its sap.
I feel I will never know true friendship as I have know with Beta and Lua.
I will never sing praises as I have sang in my home church.
I will never feel at home as I felt in my island.
I will never feel as happy as I felt at camp.
I will never feel as special as I am to my 4 moms.
I will never feel as adored as I was my little brother.
I will never have any of those things again. Some of them are gone forever. Some of them have changed. Some are just there, waiting. I know I will never have the life I once had. I know life goes on. As it must go on.
But there is a hole in my life can only be filled by the people and moments I left behind. It can not be filled by anything else. A sequoia grows to be a majestic tree of hundreds of feet. Even when fire hits and eats up its insides, the tree stays strong and alive, beautiful and growing. But the hole will always be there, as a painful reminder that something once filled that trunk, that made it grow nice and strong, is just not there anymore. Where has it gone? Time has hidden away, and it will never return it.