Saturday, April 12, 2008

Life Happened

Life is what happens to us while we make other plans... I am not sure if that was an A. Einstein sentence.
but that changed my life somewhat.
No, I am still a big time planner. But I frequently remind myself to live for the present.
The funny thing is, the plan I treasured the most my whole life has already happened. I just got married. And even though I still have so many plans and dreams, everything seems reachable now.
No I did not have the fancy wedding so many girls spend their lives planning (even though I am planning one for this coming August).
It was a simple ceremony, but it was indeed my wedding day.
Everything looked a little surreal on that day. And as I was saying the vows I was still trying to convince myself it was really happening.
Frequently my boyfriend and I referred to the fact that we felt like children, but we knew that people looked at us as adults. what now? Now he is my husband. I still feel like a child, and now I am a wife. Now there is no way anyone will not see me as an adult. Yikes! do I act any older than 17?
Life happened fast. my mind is still in my childhood and teenage games, but now they are real games.
the funny thing is, the kids who are real kids today think that whatever happened when I was a kid happened so long ago. really it was not that long. but when you're eight, 20 years ago is long enough to make up for an eternity. I know that because I was 8 once, and I remember 10 would never come.

well it doesn't really matter what everyone else feels about facts of my life. I'm still trapped in it. I'm still trapped in my games and dreams and blackmail and cheats and strategies to win the race. I like to think of everything as a game. And anything that is not a game is homework, and that is boring.
I'm still very much the same kid and every dream come true is just another toy to play with. and every thing that gets in the way is just another boring day of school.
But I am married now. Maybe that will make grow up. maybe one day I will feel like I am really an adult, the adult people might see when they look at me.
it feels so freaking funny, when people look at me and treat me as an adult. It feels like a make-believe game. I feel like I will go home and tell mom how I tricked this lady at the grocery store into letting me sign her credit card!!!!
Maybe ... if I repeat it enough it will happen. I will grow up. But I don't think I want to. I like being a kid. especially now that the world is my playground and dreams have begun to come true.
Now the fun has just begun. I really like being a kid, I think I will stay a kids for a little while longer.

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