Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Will they ever have what I had?

I guess what bugs me the most about the idea of having children is that they will have such a different life than the one I had. Unless for some reason that is not in our horizon now, Dean and I move to Brazil before we decide to have children of our own, my children will grow up in a reality that is completely foreign to the one I grew up in. My country, my culture, all the things I hold dear! All the things that made me who I am today. Our songs, our stories, our legends, our games! Our food, our weather, our beaches! Our passions, our dislikes! Our language sing-song! Our very unique way to understand the world. And my family's traditions! Those little everyday traditions that we don't even realize we have until we meet other families and perceive how different they are! How can I rob the children I want to have someday of all of that? There's so much in Brazil that I disapprove of! But there is so much that I love! And while the things that I disapprove have made me leave, in search of better living conditions; not having the things I love makes every day of my life a little incomplete, a little less happy than what it should be. Part of me is missing. Part of me was left behind in the land that gave me life and a childhood. Those things will always be with me, it doesn't matter how far I travel. I will always be Brazilian. It doesn't matter how far away I am. It doesn't matter how many years I live in America. I will always be Brazilian. If I have children someday, will they be able to say the same? It scares me to think the answer might be no.

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