I miss my friends.
When it comes that time in which you just want to be irresponsible, and do silly things, and just be your silly old self, you realize you miss your friends more than everything in life.
It's november 19, 2010, and I just found out Paul McCartney - yes, Paul McCartney, my favorite singer ever and the only guy I've liked for longer than my husband - is going to be playing at the SNL on December 11.
My husband said he'd come with me to NYC, to try something insane - stand in line for stand-by tickets for SNL the night before.
"However," says hubby, "if you can get a girl friend to go with you, I will stay home."
My baby is doing that for me - stand a whole night in a line to TRY to see Mr. McCartney - for me. How could I possibly ask God for a husband better than that? A husband who will put up with my madness?
I know he'd rather not go. He'd rather stay home and sleep in his nice cozy bed. If only I had a friend to go with me.
And that's when I realized - I have those friends. I have friends who would drop everything and come on an insane trip to try to see Paul, with me, without thinking twice. But they live a continent away.
I look around me, where I live, in this country I chose to be my home, and I don't see a single friend I'd dare to invite to join in for one of my crazy ideas.
Other than my husband, this angel sent from heaven, no one else would drop everything for me.
They say we only value things after we lose them.
That's not true for me.
I always knew what the girls and I had was special. I always knew our friendship was the most precious jewel I could have. I always knew it. We knew it. From the moment we decided we were going to be best friends, no matter what, we knew we were on to something special.
I just didn't realize how terribly I'd miss it. And how guilty I'd feel for having chosen to leave.
Even though our friendship is still there, I am not. I'm here, in the US - all by myself - while they are there, in my Brazil, with the rest of the stuff I chose to leave behind.
Maybe it's true that you can't have the best of both worlds.
I miss you, girls. Please, forgive me.