Sunday, December 30, 2012

I wish, I wish with all my heart

... That I could hibernate from November to May.

It's cold out there. It is really cold. The thermometer reads 26 F. In my brain, that sounds kind of like this:
26 F! That's below zero in normal degrees!

By normal degrees I mean Celcius, the scale in which my mind was taught to think. In the scale my mind was taught to think anything below 25 (80F)  is too cold. In the scale my mind was taught to think, zero (32F) means the armagedon. Now 26 F? That's below zero! What comes after armagedon? the Mayan apocalypse? The end of the world? Fire and brimstone? .... no... no, fire and brimstone actually sounds better that what is outside right now.

That's when I think of bears. Bears are so smart! They don't have to deal with this whole mess! They go into their little lair and hibernate. I wish I could hibernate like they do.

Why? Because the simple thought of leaving my house is so terrifying that start to cry. No, I am not using figure of speech, I actually cry every time I have to leave the house this time of year.

As if the idea that I can't just put on a spagetthi strapped shirt and a pair of shorts and slip into flip-flops whenever I want to leave the house wasn't terrifying enough, there's the fact that, no matter what I put on, I will be too cold!

If I could leave the house in my cozy jammies, wrapped in my sleeping bag, which would be stuffed with cozy blankets, and I could keep my head buried in it at all times, maybe I would be fine. But I actually have to get dressed. And guess what! Every single piece of clothes I put on seems to have been pulled out of a freezer! Not to mention the fact that anywhere other than under my bed covers is way - way - way colder than the cut-off temperature at which I would even be allowed to play outside when I was a kid. So basically going outside at such horrific temperatures is going against everything I was taught to be the right thing to do.

Now put your brain inside my brain and tell me - would you not cry like a baby as well?

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