Sunday, March 02, 2014

- DIVORCE by Arnaldo Jabor

 - My friends who are divorced never cease to ask me how I managed to stay married 30 years to the same woman. Ever more evil,  women do not ask my wife how she manages to stay married to the same man, but how she manages to stay married to me. The ones asking the right questions are the youth. They want to know the secret to keeping a marriage for so long. Nobody teaches it in schools. I'm no expert in the field, as everyone knows, but that said, my answer is more or less the following:

Nowadays divorce is inevitable, you can not escape it. Nobody can stand living with the same person for the rest of one's life. I'm actually already on my third marriage - the only difference is that I am married three times to the same woman. My wife, if I'm not mistaken is in her fifth because she thought about picking up her bags more often than I have. The secret of marriage is not eternal harmony. After the inevitable turmoils, the solution is to ponder, calm down and start again with the same woman. The secret is to renew your marriage, and not seek new marriage.  

This requires some considerations that are forgotten in the day-to-day life as a couple. From time to time, it is necessary to renew the relationship. From time to time it is necessary to start dating again, go back to courting, seduce and be seduced. How long has it been you haven't gone dancing? How long haven't you tried to conquer your pair as a potential suitor? How long has it been you haven't gone on a honeymoon - a honeymoon without children eternally struggling to get your unrestricted attention? Not to mention the countless pounds which have been added to you after the wedding. Wife and husband lose 20lb in one month after being separated, why you can not achieve the same while together? Pretend this is your new affair. If it were a new marriage, you certainly would attend new and unknown places, move homes, renew your wardrobe, CDs, haircut, makeup. But all this can be done without you separating from your spouse. 

 Let's be honest: no one can stand the same woman and the same husband for thirty years with the same clothes, the same lipstick, the same friends, with the same jokes. Often it is not your wife who is getting boring and musty, it is you and your furniture with the same faded decor. If you divorce, you'd certainly change it all , which is just one of the pleasures of separation. Those who separate delight themselves with a new life, a new house, a new neighborhood, a new circle of friends.  

You don't need an ugly divorce to have it all. Just switch places and interests and do not get comfortable. This is obviously expensive and many marriages fall apart because the couple refuses to pay these small costs required to renewing a marriage. But if you separate, your new spouse will want young children, new furniture, new clothes and you still have the child support from a previous marriage.  

There is no such thing as "stable marriage" nor should it be desired. The world changes, and so do you, your husband, your wife, your neighborhood and your friends. The best strategy to save a marriage is not maintaining a "stable relationship", but knowing how to change along. Every spouse needs to evolve, learn, improve themselves, get involved in things that one would have never thought of doing in the beginning of marriage. You do it constantly at work, why not do it in one's own family? It's what your kids do since they came into the world. So discover the young woman or young man who lives by your side, instead of going around trying to find an interesting new match. I'm sure your children will have respect for your decision to stay together and learn the important lesson of how to grow and evolve together despite disagreements. Quarrels and turmoils will always occur: so occasionally you need to get married again, but try to do it always with the same match. You see, THERE IS NO MAGIC - THERE IS COMMITMENT , COMMITMENT AND WORK - this is what saves marriages and families." Source : Arnaldo Jabor Quotes .

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